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The Martini Process

The Martini Process

By: Bil­low

The Mar­tini Process

Despite the nat­ural incli­na­tion to order oth­er­wise, your mar­tini should be stirred not shaken. The shaken mar­tini is a gim­mick that com­pro­mises the con­tent and nobil­ity of your drink. It is excit­ing and seem­ingly tra­di­tional to wit­ness the the­atric that is the shaken mar­tini. But it has no value besides the cer­e­mony, and will merely add water. Be com­fort­able being cor­rect and stir the martini.

Gim­mick Cat­a­log Entry 

Title: The Shaken Cocktail

Pop­u­lar­ized By: James Bond and Begin­ner Bartenders

Jus­ti­fi­ca­tion: Shak­ing your cock­tail has a nov­elty that excites the inex­pe­ri­enced. Bro­ken ice is appro­pri­ate for cock­tails that need dilu­tion and will cre­ate a frothy, cloudy and watered down cock­tail. Stir your mar­tini enough to chill it; don’t beat the hell out of it.

Eyeglasses Resize The Martini ProcessThe Ine­bri­ate Nerd says; vig­or­ous shak­ing of cock­tails can ‘bruise’ the pri­mary liquor of the drink. Bruis­ing is a phe­nom­e­non refer­ring to a bit­ter fla­vor that will result if too much water addi­tion and tem­per­a­ture change occur simul­ta­ne­ously in the cocktail.

Ver­mouth has a strong taste, so even a 1/8 oz more or less can change the fla­vor of the mar­tini. Order­ing a mar­tini dry will give you a mar­tini with less vermouth.

Balance Resize The Martini ProcessThe Ine­bri­ate Econ­o­mist says; Under­stand that you are pay­ing for the gin. No one orders a mar­tini for the 1/6th part ver­mouth. Develop a taste for the dry Mar­tini because ver­mouth will dilute your wal­let. And in the sim­ple utter­ance “dry” at a bar, you present your­self as a man that under­stands Mar­ti­nis, under­stands his own tastes and is a stead­fast cock­tail enthu­si­ast plagued with too much testos­terone to bas­ter­dize his gin with that crutch the weak call vermouth.

A dirty mar­tini is defined by an olive brine splash addi­tion, cre­at­ing a pleas­ant salty taste. It is not my per­sonal pref­er­ence but I do have an over extended respect for straight gin. But there are few sex­ier or more clas­sic cock­tails than the dirty martini.

Heart Resize1 The Martini ProcessThe Ine­bri­ate Health Nut says; adding olive brine, olives or the absurdly deli­cious bleu cheese stuffed olives (gar­lic stuffed olives are also won­der­ful) can turn the mar­tini from a health con­scious cock­tail to one with rel­a­tively sig­nif­i­cant amounts of sodium, car­bo­hy­drates and calo­ries. One stuffed green olive may add only about 50 calo­ries to your drink, but it is nearly 100% calo­ries from fat. We are not demo­niz­ing the dirty mar­tini, but it is impor­tant to under­stand that it is less a healthy alter­na­tive when served with olives or dirty.

Olives or a lemon twist are the typ­i­cal gar­nishes. A ‘twist’ is the rind of a lemon or lime wheel peeled off and placed on the rim of the glass.

Make sure you sip the damn thing. It should take you at least 20 min­utes to enjoy a mar­tini. We are not bing­ing, we are enjoy­ing, and you waste your money otherwise.

Favicon 1 Post Size1 The Martini ProcessThe Leg­endary Col­le­gian says; gar­nish your mar­tini with a pick­led onion (some­times called a cock­tail onion). This ele­vates the already clas­sic mar­tini into a tra­di­tional Gib­son, the god­fa­ther of martinis.

I want the last word on the dry mar­tini; the para­mount tech­nique for a dry mar­tini is to put ¾ oz of dry ver­mouth in a chilled glass, swirl it around and then throw it out with author­ity. It looks sexy and it leaves the per­fect amount of ver­mouth in the glass. Noel Cow­ard, a more than famous Eng­lish play­wright advo­cated the elim­i­na­tion of ver­mouth alto­gether.  His own per­sonal recipe called for “fill­ing a glass with gin then wav­ing it in the gen­eral direc­tion of Italy.” I sug­gest doing the same to snub those who dis­agree with you.

Here’s to you,

Arti­cles to come: The Myth of Vodka Vari­ety, The Man­hat­tan, and Why You Should Never Order Rum.

*Your friends at the Leg­endary Col­le­gian remind you to drink respon­si­bly. Thirsty Thurs­day is intended for respon­si­ble adults of legal drink­ing age who wish to try new drinks, get infor­ma­tion about alco­holic bev­er­ages, drinks and cock­tails. It is purely intended for enter­tain­ment purposes. 

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